I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
