Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
