Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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