There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
