Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have post one night stand depression
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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