Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
