we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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