We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
