are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
two words...techno handjob
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
