You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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