Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
