I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
