I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
