I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
