True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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