dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It was a blind-side dick pic.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize