I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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