I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
