It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
