Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
