There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
