i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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