its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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