he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize