i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
