shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
