u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
