is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say