Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married