So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just high enough for therapy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake