is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow