I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
