I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
