Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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