i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
