apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize