why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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