i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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