I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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