I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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