His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
