You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize