Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
