the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
