I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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