Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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