Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
