I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
