We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
