I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
