My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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