I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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