Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
