The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
