She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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