rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
