tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
