got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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