Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
