How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
