apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
