I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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