Swine flu. Run for my life!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
