Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Every concussion has its silver lining
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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