I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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