the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm at about main and main street
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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