i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
