is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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